i’m not really an oprah fan. her disregard for my Savior means I usually don’t give too much credence to her or her show. But since it’s her last season and you always miss what you can no longer have, i’ve jumped on the ‘it’s the end of the Oprah show’ bandwagon and i’ve been DVRing her show each day.
Today Shania Twain was on the show, discussing her life and her biography, which was published today.
I couldn’t download it on my kindle fast enough.
oh how what she said resonated in my soul. what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you love and trusted. how she learned her husband had an affair, and with her best friend. how she had been confiding in that friend about her marriage, only to learn her suspicions about an affair was valid, AND that the other woman was her best friend.
Now I can’t relate to the specifics of her story. But i can relate to seeing the warped relationship my husband has with his parents/family, and having him deny it. I can relate to being as low as i think is humanly possible…to wanting to go to bed and not get up again. I know what it’s like to wake up and wish you hadn’t, because it means it’s not just a nightmare after all. to swallowing all pride and begging your husband to come home, or in my case, begging him not to leave. to losing yourself in a relationship, completely, so that you don’t even know who you are as a person because everything revolves around your spouse. swallowing any feelings and experiencing so much fear, but not realizing that’s what you’re experiencing. thinking there is something wrong with you, that you aren’t good enough or he wouldn’t have left, that there is something you could have done that would have made him love you more, and made him stay. wanting him to at least be honest and explain why he left the relationship, but never getting the answers or the honesty.
i’m still struggling with a lot of these feelings. like she said, i will always be sad that my marriage failed. it is not what i wanted. i meant it when i said ’til death do us part.
but i was so grateful to see how very happy she is now, remarried and secure in herself. she is such a beautiful woman. she deserves to have a man who is worthy of her love.
and so do i.
you can always tell that springtime in Arkansas has arrived when the sky turns green (which I learned this week is actually hail in the clouds) and the tornado sirens are almost constantly heard.
Last Thursday night was a late one, with no sleep until after 3 AM when a line of storms had gone through my area. Just as i had decided it was probably safe to go ahead and go to sleep, a tornado warning was issued for my area. I’ve learned that signing up for one of those WeatherCall services really is worth the $7 a year. They only call if a tornado warning has been issued for your specific address, and it does give me a peace of mind that I wouldn’t normally have.
Then Tuesday night was a repeat of the same, but earlier in the evening and much closer to home. WeatherCall seemed to be calling every 10 minutes.
There really is something about being home alone during storms like this that I don’t like. Normally weather like this doesn’t bother me in the least. I LOVE storms – the lightning, hail, wind, thunder, rain on the roof…i love all of it. But it’s a super eerie feeling to have herded the dogs into the most interior room of my home and turned the TV volume up as loud as it will go, so I can hear Ed Buckner on KTHV tell me exactly where the rotation is showing up on the radar…until the satellite cable goes out, and the lights keep dimming, and the sky is green, and the wind is blowing, and the last thing you heard is a funnel cloud was spotted three blocks away.
Yeah, this is one of those times that I wish i didn’t live alone.
I realize in the grand scheme of things that having someone there wouldn’t make a bit of difference if a tornado actually hit my home, but there is a measure of comfort in just having someone else there in a time like that.
Thankfully the funnel clouds stayed in the sky, and there were no reports of anything touching down. But this season is particularly active, and I don’t think we’re in any way finished for the spring storm season.
I finally finished my second quilt, a super simple patchwork of layer cake squares sewn together in Kate Spain’s Verna line, and backed with a sheet from Walmart. I wasn’t sure how the sheet was going to work out, but I really love it. And I LOVE the bias binding of the stripes…first time I’ve done a continuous bias binding and while it seemed to take forever, it all worked like magic, just like the instructions said it would, and I really liked not having to sew all the binding strips together or deal with seams. I also tried free motion quilting for the first time with this quilt and while it wouldn’t win any ribbons, once it was washed, you really couldn’t see my multiple mistakes.
Now I’m working on a quilt for my dad, to celebrate both his 70th birthday and also his Christmas gift. I’m incredibly late on this gift and really have no excuse; I need to get it finished and move on. I”m not crazy about the fabric, but it’s something I think he will like, and I found it on clearance so I could actually afford it. It’s a simple layer cake pattern, out of McCall’s Quick Quilts, called “Mom’s Bouquet.” I’m planning on making it for my mom for Mother’s Day out of Verna again…if I ever finish dad’s quilt.
My other challenge is that I was blessed with an incredible, can’t pass up deal on a new sewing machine, but I am terrified of it. It’s so different from anything I’ve ever used and I’m just really not confident with it at all. I know will love it when I gather the courage to sit down and use it. And the large throat will make quilting so much easier. i just need to get over it and do it.
Personally I’m still figuring out who I am as a single person…well, not really single. Still really very much married, since I’m legally married until this time next year (we have a covenant marriage, which doesn’t allow for divorce unless you’ve been separated for two years with no reconciliation). I don’t mean that I’m in any way functioning in ways a typical single person does. But I am figuring out who I am without a husband, and really who I am period. I was with my husband for 17 years, since I graduated high school, and I really disappeared into the relationship. Everything revolved around him and his wants and desires. I don’t even really know what my wants and desires are, but I am learning.
And praise Him for new beginnings, and a new life in Him, made possible by His incredible sacrifice for us and the gift of new life in Christ! We will celebrate this gift tomorrow, Easter, and I’m praying that I will be mindful of new beginnings daily, not just once a year.