it resonates…

i’m not really an oprah fan. her disregard for my Savior means I usually don’t give too much credence to her or her show. But since it’s her last season and you always miss what you can no longer have,  i’ve jumped on the ‘it’s the end of the Oprah show’ bandwagon and i’ve been DVRing her show each day.

Today Shania Twain was on the show, discussing her life and her biography, which was published today.

I couldn’t download it on my kindle fast enough.

oh how what she said resonated in my soul. what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you love and trusted. how she learned her husband had an affair, and with her best friend. how she had been confiding in that friend about her marriage, only to learn her suspicions about an affair was valid, AND that the other woman was her best friend.

Now I can’t relate to the specifics of her story. But i can relate to seeing the warped relationship my husband has with his parents/family, and having him deny it. I can relate to being as low as i think is humanly possible…to wanting to go to bed and not get up again. I know what it’s like to wake up and wish you hadn’t, because it means it’s not just a nightmare after all. to swallowing all pride and begging your husband to come home, or in my case, begging him not to leave. to losing yourself in a relationship, completely, so that you don’t even know who you are as a person because everything revolves around your spouse. swallowing any feelings and experiencing so much fear, but not realizing that’s what you’re experiencing. thinking there is something wrong with you, that you aren’t good enough or he wouldn’t have left, that there is something you could have done that would have made him love you more, and made him stay. wanting him to at least be honest and explain why he left the relationship, but never getting the answers or the honesty.

i’m still struggling with a lot of these feelings. like she said, i will always be sad that my marriage failed. it is not what i wanted. i meant it when i said ’til death do us part.

but i was so grateful to see how very happy she is now, remarried and secure in herself. she is such a beautiful woman. she deserves to have a man who is worthy of her love.

and so do i.

The ugly cry

I know I’m a bit behind everyone else in seeing/sharing this, but this little moment of worship sent me into the ugly cry.

Thank you Lord for Your sacrifice, making it possible to spend eternity with You. And hopefully someday sing like this! :-0